Updated: Jul 28, 2022
Why Aren't we Happy?
As an Intuitive consultant and trained observer I have consulted, counseled, taught and advised thousands of people. By far, the biggest issue people talk about is that they are just not happy. There is mass depression, anxiety and despair out there. That's the bad news. The good news is that much of this oppressive emotion can be shifted to acceptance, joy, contentment and feeling moments of happiness more and more frequently. If your desire for happiness includes what is for the highest and greatest good of all, you are already on your way.
Would you say no to that? Many people do in many ways and every second of every day. It's called resistance to happiness. But by being aware of the resistance, knowing what factors to consider and with a slight shift in mindset, (e.g. opening your mind to the possibility that there is more out there) we can achieve a different perspective. We can begin to feel this elusive happiness and find it isn't so elusive after all.
We are creatures of habit and habits take time to create, break and change. So it is likely that it took years for you develop the habit of feeling defeat, frustration, lack of power, pain and think that this is the normal way of life. But habits can be broken.
There are few things to think about should you want to explore ways to attain happiness. We are going to experience resistance almost immediately the moment we want to try to change the habit of feeling unhappy. This resistance will show its familiar head in various areas of our lives. To be aware is key. Then you can develop the stamina and determination to break through the resistance and push your way through your birthright which is to be joyous.
Resistance 1 You don't deserve happiness
The first and largest form of resistance is the belief that we don't deserve to be happy. The reasons are endless. Perhaps someone told us this once as a child, cultural beliefs say we must suffer to be good, we've tried and failed so we think we are meant to be miserable, or we have no context of what happiness is so we just assume that it is normal to be unhappy and on and on... I say you are entitled to happiness. It starts with the decision to use your free will to find ways to explore happiness and joy in your life in endless ways.
Resistance 2 Your relationships are going to be affected
Once you choose your path to happiness, people around you will most certainly react. Not all will be "happy" for you. It's not their fault. It just means things will change and too many people just don't like change. Family members, romantic partners, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, will find ways to convince you that you should stay the way you were. Some will even be blunt enough to ask "who do you think you are? Do you think you're better than me to actually be happy?" Be prepared for a true shift in many areas of your live. Those who truly want the best for you (and themselves) will join you on your path to joy and support you. You will also naturally as if by magic (but actually by the simple laws of the Universe), attract like minded people in to your life who will want to share your goal t happiness for all.
Another issue is that some people often feel that happiness lies in finding the perfect relationship with someone or something else. But this will and have left billions well, unhappy. This will lead to great disappointment. Because nothing or no one is perfect and if we depend on others for happiness, this dis-empowers us. Begin with your-SELF. Show love, compassion, and acceptance of your humanity. For many of us, deep down and sometimes not so deep down inside, we have unresolved traumatic issue(s). In turn, we tend to repeat the same patterns over and over again in an attempt to resolve them, most often unsuccessfully. With increasing self-evaluation some of these issues will bubbles to the surface. THEN we can begin to heal, deal and release them for a happier life.
Resistance 3: Life will be boring
People often confuse happiness with stagnation. Or put another way, they believe that troubles, problems, drama, is what makes life interesting. Well the fact is that things in life will always happen to offer us challenge so I wouldn't be too worried about life getting boring. Happiness is action, dynamic living, along with deep down inner peace.
Resistance 4: Health improvements are too much work
Sometimes people believe making healthful changes is too much work or uninteresting. That gorging on food, drinks, sex, salt is more fun. While some things should be avoided all together. We know we should watch our weight, quit smoking, increase fitness, eat healthier, drink less sugar, eat less salt, drink less alcohol, sleep more (YES sleep more), use sunblock, and so on... but we just don't commit to these healthy changes to improve our lives. Often we will find a landmark day like a New Year's resolution, a birthday, or anniversary are a good time to begin our road to something better for our health. But old habits and busy-ness quickly set in and our plans go awry leading us to give up before we really try.
The reality is that it is much more work to fight illness, be in pain, complain, suffer and struggle with the result of not treating this precious vehicle called our body, with respect, and love. While some things should be avoided all together. others done in moderation is a much better way to enjoy the good things in life.
Resistance 5: Emotional/Spiritual development is for dummies
Many have been trained to believe that logical, linear, left brain "scientific" reasoning (even if it's made up), and following what authorities say is THE right way to live and believe. That people who believe in spirituality, emotions, sacred living are weak and silly. Wouldn't it make sense to have a balanced life? To contemplate the option that we don't know everything and never will? That to keep an open mind and explore different possibilities keeps us alive and growing?
Resistance 6: Life changes are going to happen
This is when acceptance is crucial. Acceptance, however, does not equal giving up. Aging, health, relationships, moving, natural disasters, cultural beliefs are all ever changing. Much of this may not be under our control but since change is inevitable anyway, why not drive the force of change in the direction of whole living? Be in the moment. In other words, don't spend so much time in the past or the future because those are two things you absolutely cannot change. Now is where you can take action, shift your mood, create, love, laugh, and simply BE PRESENT.
Resistance 7: Feeling Disconnected
There is tremendous resistance to accepting we as humans are connected. This makes us feel isolated at times and unnecessarily lonely. But the question is, connected to what? Foremost, connected to ourselves, then each other, animals, our spaces, and places in this complex, beautiful and yet still-to-be understood matrix. No matter how lonely you may feel, there is a way to reconnect. Just know that for now, the rest will follow.
Resistance 8: Knowledge and truth are unattainable so why try
Some say the Truth is out there and that it will set you free and by free we mean happy. But what is the truth? The truth about what? Being human, what works to create happiness? If there is a truth then why are there so many different views and people passionately believing their truth to the point of killing and dying for it? Even if we don't know the truth, I think the search for it is worth living for. We are physically mortal so why not live the best life we possibly can while we are still here?
Resistance 9 To cooperation
Too many of us were conditioned to believe that life is about competition. Though competition does have its place in our society, it is too often used to hurt each other. Believing that competition is the only way to succeed causes people to think that the norm is to compete for resources, jobs, relationships, and well everything. This creates a winner versus loser society. However, we all have the potential for something great in our own way. It can be a great untapped talent while for others is to simply do our part as human beings in this world and take care of ourselves and the environment we all share. If we put competition in its place by keeping it friendly, we can go a long way on the road to happiness.
Important things to consider on your path to happiness:
There is no panacea to happiness. But every effort counts, so keep on trying. It's worth it.
If you complain, you will continue to receive that which you are complaining about. If you explore the gifts in your challenges, disasters, adversities and problems, you will begin to experience a shift in perspective and see things more objectively, e.g. find the big picture. A step closer to TRUTH.
If you stop blaming others and yourself while taking rightful accountable, you can see the truth a bit clearer. Forgiveness is NOT easy but worth trying over and over again. With time, you WILL notice a difference in your own inner-self of freedom and peace.
Gratitude for the good and the bad is one of the biggest ways to experiences glimpses of happiness. If you express compassion to yourself (which is separate from stroking the ego) you will feel something larger and better than pain you've become used to. No one has all the answers.
If you are stuck believing you know it all or someone else does, you are heading to trouble-ville (that's place that's full of trouble).
Don't forget to play and laugh. As adults someone, somewhere told us that playing is just for children. The shared a lie that being serious all the time is adult and mature. Oh what a shame, for laughter is a gift we should all partake in and doesn't interfere with our ability to be mature or make important life decisions.
Being OPEN to new ideas keeps you alive, not just living. If you believe you've learned all there is to living, then say hello to the coffin because here come death of the mind, spirit and body. Why rush it, live in the present and live with joy. It is truly your choice.